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Verify that the variable XREFNOTIFY is set to either 1 or 2. With it set to 1, you'll see an icon notification on the status bar. If it is set to 0 it will be turned off. When there xrefs in a drawing the "Manage Xrefs" icon appears in the tray. If someone else edits an xref, this icon will display a balloon notification that the file has changed and prompts you to click the balloon to reload the xref.